Working Mami

It has been four months since I last wrote on my blog and I am quite embarrassed to have posted only two blogposts since the start of it. However, so much came in the way since then.

When I created this blog in August 2021, I was transitioning into a new job all while adjusting as a new mami of a then seven-month-old.

As mamis, we constantly hear how we can all be “supermoms” and we can do it all. I kept thinking to myself I was going to be able to balance it all, however I was wrong.

I work at a high school as a college counselor and the demands of college application and financial aid completions made the fall season extremely busy for me. Not to mention, I commute between 45 minutes to an hour each way and by the time I get home, I wanted to dedicate as much as I could with D. The routine of coming home to get things ready for the next day has made it super exhausting where I couldn’t focus on adding another task to contribute toward this blog.

My mental health was not at its best either. The feeling of mom guilt gave me this sense of isolation and despair. I was not prepared for the emotional toll of what a first-time working mami would do. Again, it is engrained in us that we can do it all, yet for me being a “supermom” is not possible.

Ways to Cope Mom Guilt

I have learned that in order to cope with my guilt of being a working mami, I had to speak up and manage various strategies so that I would not lose my mind. Below are ways that I have done overcoming mom guilt:

1. Talk to your partner about how you feel and be honest when you need help

I am extremely lucky to have a supportive husband, Alex, who has allowed a space for me to not only express my feelings but to ask for help especially when it comes to household duties. Having a support system who can take on tasks can alleviate some of the guilt you may already have. As a Latina, it is engrained in our culture that we can do everything at our household. We have to be honest with our partners and ourselves, and communicate about how to split certain responsibilities around the household so that you can add more time to the things you want to do, such as spending more time with your children or enjoy the things you want to do.

2. If you are spending a lot of time commuting to and from work, use that time wisely

I am going to be 100% honest here, I hate commuting. This has caused an emotional toll on me and while this is the one thing I cannot be in control, I had to find a coping strategy to use my commute time wisely. I have begun listening to audiobooks, such as OverDrive, through my local library and podcasts that are either entertaining or educational. I am learning to take my commute as “me time” so that I can reflect and/or learn about things that interest me.

3. Speak up and use your support system

It is relieving to talk to someone, especially if you have a support system. In addition to Alex, I have talked to my mom, sister, in-laws mentors, friends, and even my boss. Oftentimes our silence brings us into this sense of isolation and letting things out could make a difference to our mental health.

4. Spend quality time with your child(ren)

My mom was a working mom and had a much lengthy commute as well as a job that didn’t allow much flexibility. One of her biggest advice she has given me is to spend quality time with D. Although much of the tasks that are done after coming home from work are routine-based, use that time to teach your child a new skill that would be beneficial for their development, read them a new book, or sign them up to the last story time at your library. Try to maximize your quality time beyond what we already have to do from the routine so that you wouldn’t feel guilty at the end of the day.

4. Seek therapy

This is something I am working on. I am in the process of seeking therapy as it is helpful to receive support from an outside source. Know that there are different programs and resources available when it comes to seeking counseling and/or therapy. Check with your health insurance, visit your employer’s Employee Assistance Program (EAP), or go to websites like betterhelp.com.

Our mental health is so important. In order to be present and enjoy madrehood as well as our jobs, we need to take a couple steps back and give ourselves grace. I am not a fan of the “supermom” concept because I am human and it is okay not to be okay. I have to allow the time and space to know when I need to stop and can’t blame myself for not doing it all. My hope is that as mamis, we don’t get to shame one another for doing too less or doing too much. We all have to understand our true capacities and know when we should seek support and/or learn how to cope.

My hope is to continue to use this platform to speak my truth and to create a space where I can show you my journey through all things madrehood. Thank you for your patience and grace!

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2 Comments

  1. You got this momma! Once you find your rhythm it will get easier! Thankfully you have a wonderful support system with your hubby and grandparents! And that is such a wonderful idea to use your commute time as your me-time! I def do the same lol helps my mental! Keep it up hunny. ❤️

    1. Thank you! I am extremely thankful for having a support system. It helps knowing that I’m not the only one with the struggle as a working mom! We got this!

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